This Movember, look Beyond “I’m fine.” Tony’s story shows why listening matters

How many times have you asked someone how they are, only to hear the familiar response: “I’m fine”? But what if they’re not?

This Movember, Kent and Medway Mental Health NHS Trust is encouraging people to look beyond those 2 words and make time for honest conversations about men’s mental health.

Its Beyond “I’m fine” campaign shares Tony’s story of living with complex PTSD, reaching a point where he felt he could no longer cope, and finding a way forward with the right support.

For a long time, Tony kept his struggles to himself. Although he seemed like his usual self to others, inside he was finding life increasingly difficult. Eventually, he reached a point where he was thinking about ending his life.

He told his wife, Tina, that he couldn’t cope. She encouraged him to seek help, and when he went to his medical centre, he says someone responded straight away. It marked the beginning of his journey towards recovery.

Through his care, Tony discovered Open Dialogue. This approach brings together the person receiving support, mental health professionals and people important to them to talk openly, listen and work out a way forward together.

Tony said: “We hear a lot about encouraging people to talk, and that matters. But if we ask someone to talk, we also need to be ready to listen.

“Then I found Open Dialogue. It changed my life, really. I don’t think I would be here without it.

“The difference for me was the conversation. We could talk about anything and everything. My wife, Tina, could be involved too if she wanted to be, and sometimes she was.

“I also felt involved in my own support. Instead of somebody deciding what we would talk about, they might ask: ‘What would you like to talk about today, Tony?’”

Kent and Medway Mental Health NHS Trust has delivered Open Dialogue since 2017. 

Emma Hogwood, the trust’s Lead for Peer Supported Open Dialogue, said: “Open Dialogue is built on a simple but powerful principle: people are experts in their own lives. We create space for people, families and professionals to come together, listen to one another and make sense of difficult experiences.

“What makes this approach unique is that the person’s voice remains at the centre of every conversation. Recovery happens through relationships, understanding and shared decision-making.”

Tony’s story will be shared in 5 parts on the trust website and social media channels throughout November, exploring what others saw, what he was experiencing and how life has changed.

Today, life is good. Tony and Tina enjoy caravanning, travelling and spending time with family. Recently back from Majorca, they have plenty to look forward to.

Tony says: “There’s a big, wide world out there. And it’s that much better that I’m still in it.”

The trust is encouraging people to check in with the men in their lives. If someone says they’re fine but you sense something is wrong, ask again. Give them time and listen without judgement. You don’t need all the answers to show someone you care.

Men can seek support through their GP, NHS 111’s mental health option or organisations including Dadspace, Men’s Minds Matter, Men Talk Health Sittingbourne, Men2, Men in Sheds at Sunlight Centre and Men Walking and Talking.

Visit www.kentmedwaymentalhealth.nhs.uk for trust support information. If someone is in immediate danger, call 999.

This Movember, go beyond “I’m fine.” Take the time to hear the answer.